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Fear of being called a RACIST…and the N-word

By Carmen D. on Tuesday, November 10th, 2009, 7:37 pm Comments

“Does Conservative Mean Racist,” kicked off a dynamic discussion over on twitter yesterday. If you have an account, please follow me @allaboutrace and I hope others in the All About Race community will leave their twitter accounts in the comment section here so we can rap through our tweets. Anyhow, reactions to Andrew’s post ranged from frustrated and fed up, to tempered disagreement, to full on support.

I felt some disappointment about the conclusions he reached, but I know he often feels the same about mine. Still, obviously, I am steadfast about having Andrew as a guest contributor here because his voice represents those of a lot of people in our country. I don’t know if we can build a bridge, or what exactly it should look like even, but I am not done trying yet; not by a long shot.

Late last night, a twitter follower and I got into a discussion about an article he had written for ‘Psychology Today’: On Inter-Racial Trust and Why It’s So Hard To Go There Mikhail Lyubansky, Ph.D. We had many rapid fire, exchanges over several points in the article but this is the graph that I had the most problem with…and later led to an epiphany.

However, I also want to share some more general observations about talking across race and why it might be so hard. I think it’s hard because white folks often don’t want to take the chance of being misunderstood or (worse!) being called “racist” This comes in part from a misunderstanding that to notice and talk about race is “racist”. It’s not. Supporting the racial status quo (with all its racial inequities) is racist, and not talking about something is implicit support. But it also comes from a rational concern that people of color will not trust our good intentions (I’m speaking here to those who reject white supremacy) and humiliate us for our sometimes clumsy attempts to participate in the racial conversation or even just to connect. It feels much safer to just not engage. Source: On Inter-Racial Trust and Why It’s So Hard To Go There Mikhail Lyubansky, Ph.D., Psychology Today

In response to this graph I tweeted something like: I don’t have the privilege to become “paralyzed” by fear of being called a name. Hard for me to empathize.

When @mikhaill responded, he didn’t defend but stated it was a real observation. And so I mulled, as I often do around racial issues that really trigger me. I began to meditate on my own reactions and fears to find where I might connect with “white people who are afraid to be called racist” and so stay more comfortably in their cocoons. And then I had the breakthrough.

I have been grappling with how to stand as a strong ally with LGBT folks in their fight for full civil rights and equal protection. Recently, since the passage of Prop. 8 in California, I have been put off from participating in demonstrations by fear of being called a “nigger” (read the comments) or in some way insulted by the few gay whites who’ve decided “Blacks are homophobic…” And so lately, I’ve retreated to my straight privilege of just not going to demonstrations where I wanted to be. I let my fear of possibly dealing with a bit of racism, which I tackle everyday with straight whites, keep me from engaging in a kind of ally support that’s important to me. **BING**

Well all that’s over now. Where’s my placard?

  • Kat
    The fear is real for white people. I agree with this. But to stay in fear we remain stuck.

    For me this brings back Attorney General Holder's comments "We are a Nation of Cowards.” Cowardice is a result of fear, no? I cannot tell you how many people have said to me that they would rather chew on tinfoil than to share their thoughts on race; no good can come of it; let it go, move on. I know this because I was one of them.

    I’ve personally grown leaps and bounds since discussing race. And through these discussions, I’ve learned that miles and miles are still left for me to go before I come close to learning everything.

    My own conclusion is that many whites like myself have to LISTEN and LEARN about the history of race and racism and where we are in our present day. Understanding white privilege was my most important lesson. To recognize what I take for granted that others struggle with on a daily basis shed light on everything in the world around me. It made me slow down and recognize the challenges not only of people of color, but also the challenges of homosexuals, transgendered, the disabled, immigrants, and seniors (a discussion with commenter Nezua helped me to better see these things.)

    So while this fear may be real, I believe that it is the responsibility of white people to educate themselves on their own privilege and history to have a true grasp on the reality of racism. To do this will perhaps alleviate their fear and replace it with confidence for a more comfortable and sound discussion.

    To pull back in fear is a crime to ourselves.
  • twiston
    Thank you for your kind words and friendship Carmen. I still have my hardhat and boots on for bridge building too. I am as close to the proverbial "center right" as you will get. She may disagree but I see Carmen as center left. We are the bridge and the conduit so if you have anything you want to get off of your chest in an honest and open intellectual forum, AAR is THE place to do it !
  • Carmen, you said it was hard for you to emphasize, yet you found a way. I'm inspired by your example, not so much because you found a way to relate it to your own fear of being judged and insulted (though that too) but because you were willing to engage in the process of empathizing with the privileged group in the first place. Ultimate, I think this is what it will take for us to take the next step: mutual empathy across racial lines (yes, empathy for the "oppressor" too). It seems embarrassingly too much to ask, given the persistence of racial inequity in so many areas. It *is* too much to ask. The inequities have to be rectified first. Yet, ultimately, I see no other road to racial healing.
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